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DEACON DOOWOOP: Welcome, ladies and sperms to the New South Despair O K Ofayfo'nookie Albigensian Evanbilical Temple Mosque and Iglesia of the Reprocessed Pomade Resurrector Hisself. And here to gale you and regale you with his Shoot - From - the - Hip - Hop - Street - Beat - No - Medium - Foot - With - The - Message - Cool, the splendiferous and splend-dapperous, the bo-m'fer-daciousest and the elongdongestrappacist, the Right Reverend Pastor Doctor Emir Pasha Zulu Guru of the New New Chairman Mau Mau His-so-Truly of the NSDOKOfayAETM and I Church M. F. Carterbottom! (Enter M. F. CARTERBOTTOM) M. F. CARTERBOTTOM: Yo, Elder Eatmore, you has done outdid yo'self, def jamf word up, AIDS Down, ACT UP, Yo' Mama. It's finger-poppin', poppin' time. The Most Right Reverend M. F. Carterbottom is here to bring you all Excalibur, the sword of swords to slice through your sins and perkerdildoes. You hear me, bros and sisses and all you folks who been called sissies who been outed. I wants to say something about outing. Right here and right now we all going to be outed. We going to out our RAGE out of the closet. We going to out our RAGE so it can find an equal employment opportunity. We going to out our RAGE so's it can demand not mercy--NO--but justice here and now. Just look what gone down in the ought ought years that's passed since our Brother Gull, the unblemished Lem Louis, announced form this here pulpit his Citizen Candid-dacy for President of the Brave Free World and that's free, not as in no calor-ee, in fact the Candid-dacy was loaded with the kind of calor-ees guaranteed to fire you up for resistance, rebellion and maybe, just maybe, the Blue-eyed Death. But he did not win that election and just look at what gone down since. The wretchedest country in this hemisphere used to be run by Papa then Baby Doc and them pounding Tom-Tom Macoutes with those one-way sunglasses lookin' just like our State Troopers our State Smokeys and the wretchedest of the wretched wants to leave for the richedest of the richest, this land we call the Home of the Free and so the Loveys and the Hateys building rafts and dingys stuck together with old bubblegum and they be bravin' the free waters 'tween there and here and half of 'em capsize and be shark hordoeurves and the other half get there with their amoebas and HIV's just yearnin' for the succour of our shores and we got our battleship patrollin' and we force 'em right back 'cause we claim they just economic refugees, they ain't political refugees - they just po' they ain't po'litical. Then the battleship stop patrollin' and some Washboardington honchos decide we going to overthrow the overthrowers of Lovey and Hatey and so we send this same battleship with our bros and sissies in the MILIFAIRY service back down to Lovey and Hatey on the U.S. Destroyer, a.k.a. the Destroy of US and what happens? We got all our big guns and shit and we wavin' 'em around, we goin' to take over and what happens - bunch of ragtag charco' m'fers with long dingleberries hangin' out their cornholes, wavin' a couple of sticks and shoutin' YANQUI, ALLEZ TOUJOURS, ALLEZ TOUJOURS! And since the ship's commander don't know no Frog and don't know what these black frogs croakin' about, he thinks they sayin' his wife gettin' porked back in his rec room by the neighbor's teenage dude so he turns the whole mutha tub of bolts 'round and heads for his split-level - and that's just some of what's been goin' down since Brother Gull lost and got lost. Now we're going to have a special prayer before the collection and we're praying for the return of Lem Louis, unblemished or not. Let us pray, O Lord, bring him back. It is our hour of need Let us pray, O Lord, that he will find his way His is the Way, the Truth and the Fight In the name of the Father, the Daughter and the Holy Ménage à Trois. Amen. Awomen. |